Friday, July 08, 2005
Long Ass, Poorly Structured, Much Overdo, Post
Ok, seriously. Why I woke up with a bruised rib and a pulled muscle in my leg makes no sense to me. Every time I breathe or walk, I cringe in pain. What am I? An old man? No one told me that at 28, your body fully starts to fall apart. Bruised ribs…what will they think of next? And by “they”, I mean shut the hell up.
So hi everyone!
My birthday and the 4th have come and gone much like they do every year. While my birthday was fairly low key this time around, I did have a pretty great time. My friends took great care of me and gave me some wicked cool presents, like a new bag, a kelly green shirt (from Kelly), more shirts and candy and toys and yeah! I love presents.
We went out to eat at this airplane themed restaurant that was pretty hilarious, only because in the bathroom as you were dropping a deuce (sick…like I ever say “dropping a deuce”) the flight attendant would come on and say “In the case of an emergency, put your head between your legs and kiss your ass goodbye”. Not the most original of jokes, but it made me laugh while I was taking a piss.
Then we went to XL Lounge and stayed for a couple of drinks. Then we went home and played pin the tail on the donkey and sat on Kelly’s fire escape watching some black woman walk around her apartment in only her underwear. No seriously, she brushed her teeth in her underwear and then did the unthinkable! She ATE after brushing her teeth. I couldn’t get over that one. Who cares about her naked, black nipples…I can’t stand it when people brush their teeth and then eat something. BRUSHING means no more eating! If you disagree then you have lots of cavities. The end.
Unfortunately, bringing Paul along for the ride turned out to be a hassle at the end of the night as he didn’t “feel welcome” among my friends and ended up becoming best friends with alcohol instead. No big surprise there. I took him home, threw him in bed and watched some gay shit on TV. No really, I watched a gay movie called Same Sex America and it was pretty good, but not the way I wanted to end my birthday evening. I’m sure you can understand why.
The 4th of July was pretty great. We drank beers and Paul and I made appetizers. We watched the fireworks from South Street seaport which gave the most unbelievable fireworks show I’ve seen in all my life. They were so close you could touch them. And having people around us screaming and cheering brought tears to both my friend Meggles and my eyes. Then we laughed at each other for crying and moved on with our bad ass selves.
All in all it was a good week. Coming back to work yesterday proved to me that not only do I need to get a new job, I need to kill everyone I work with first. I can’t even get into why I hate work so much now, but trust me, the hatred goes deep. Right down to the base of my cock and balls.
For some reason I’m listening to techno at work this morning. I feel like I should pull out some glowstix, jump up on my desk and start dry humping the first person that walks into my office. THUD THUD THUD THUD THUD THUD and my head bobs right along. AWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW
YEAH!
Now…in other news…I was “tagged” this morning by my friend Ari. I assume this means that I am supposed to fill out the questionnaire that she posted in her journal. Secretly I love questionnaires and also Velveeta macaroni and cheese.
So here it is!
10 Years Ago Today I Had just graduated from high school and was enjoying my last summer of nothing before going off to college. Since I wasn’t a drinker or a smoker at that point, I spent my summer in love with a straight guy (who I got into bed thank you very much) and hanging out with my girlfriend (thank you very much?). I went out to dinner a lot and went to see movies and plays. Wow, the things I used to do before I discovered drugs and alcohol.
Five Years Ago Today I had just graduated from college and moved to Boston to be with my new boyfriend, Paul. My birthday had just ended and Paul celebrated with me by taking me to see The Blue Man Group and out to dinner at the Hard Rock Café (thank God my taste in restaurants has changed). Paul was so sweet to me on my birthday and I loved being with him then. This year for my birthday Paul didn’t even get me a card. But as he says “He takes me out to dinner all the time”. So what the fuck does that mean anyway? That it’s my birthday every day of the year? Cuz I surely don’t feel like it is. It’s a poor excuse and it’s one of the reasons why I spend so much of my time hating him.
1 Year Ago Today I was on my way to Utica, NY to be in one of my best friend’s wedding. At the wedding I met a guy from one of the Real Worlds and hung out with my girl Rita. It was an amazing couple of days and other than the fact that I can’t believe a year has gone by so fast, I would do just about anything to relive that wonderful weekend.
Yesterday I woke up to the news of the terrorist bombings in London, found my dead hamster, and still managed to get my ass to work. Once here, everything went down hill, including me having to cancel hanging out with Rita this weekend due to a work commitment. I had a nervous breakdown half way through the day and ended up unloading a ton of shit on my therapist before heading out to dinner with my friend Mahd. My day ended much better than the way in which it began. Yet I have a bruised rib now. Twat?
Today I will have the weekend that I need to have since I will be working tomorrow. MOTHER FUCKER. Working on weekends is so super lame. And luckily I get to do it for the entire month of July! I’m heading out to happy hour with my friend Angie after work and I will most likely be home and in bed by 10pm. Paul will get home around 1am and probably stumble in drunk, tell me I’m an asshole for one reason or another and then we’ll both sleep through the night. Yeah. YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAH.
Tomorrow I have to work. Suck my fucking dick I hate the real world and having to make money in order to survive. I said “DICK! SUCK IT!”
I’m not really sure how the following list of “5 Things” works with the whole “What have I been doing for the last 10 years of my life motif”, but I’ll rock it nonetheless.
5 Snacks I enjoy: Smartfood popcorn, Chewy Sprees, a throbbing cock, Swedish Fish, Breyer’s Mint Chocolate Chip Ice Cream – laden with Jizz of course.
5 Bands That I Know the Lyrics to Most of Their Songs: Nsync (fuck you they’re awesome), Nelly Furtado, Evanescence, Rent the Musical (fuck you it counts), and Debbie Gibson (cut me a break on that one…I was mucho gay when I was little).
5 Things I Would Do with a $100,000,000: Pay off all of my debt, pay off all of my parents and friends debt, buy a phatty house, buy a phatty car, and smoke the biggest phatty of my life.
5 Locations I Would Like to Run Away to: My friend Rita’s house, San Francisco, Hawaii, Provincetown, Maine – cuz I’ve never been. Yeah, I’m even boring MYSELF with that answer.
5 Bad Habits I Have: Smoking, biting my fingernails, eating in bed late at night, watching too much TV, masturbating everywhere I can.
5 Things I Like Doing: Smoking, biting my fingernails, eating in bed late at night, watching too much TV, masturbating everywhere I can.
5 Things I would Never Wear: A rain coat, cowboy boots, make-up, a vagina, and Z Cavaricci’s.
5 TV Shows I Like: Lost, Desperate Housewives, Survivor, ER, anything on MTV and the list goes on and on and on and on and zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.
5 Movies I Like: Requiem for a Dream, Memento, What Dreams May Come, Boogie Nights, Rules of Attraction and the list goes on and on and on and zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.
5 Famous People I would Like to Meet: Leonardo DiCaprio, Justin Timberlake, Meryl Streep, Julia Roberts, Parker Posey, Scarlett Johansson, Tony Blair, Annabella Sciorra, Joan Allen, Ben Stiller, Nelly Furtado, and so many more.
5 Biggest Joys at the Moment: My brother moving home from Germany next weekend, my best friend Rita having a baby, how well therapy is going, sleeping in late, almost finishing this post.
5 favorite toys: My two dildos, my computer, the dead body of my hamster, my PS2, and my new Spinpro toothbrush.
5 People to Tag: (Links make me tired so click on them at the left if you wish) MuscleBeast, ChwJohns, The Virginity Monologues, Diary of a Lethargic Madman, NYC.Twentysomething.
Ok…enough is enough with this post. Sheesh!
Have great weekends everyone and thanks again for all of your support yesterday. Jim is smiling down on you from hamster heaven.
Hugs!
Ok, seriously. Why I woke up with a bruised rib and a pulled muscle in my leg makes no sense to me. Every time I breathe or walk, I cringe in pain. What am I? An old man? No one told me that at 28, your body fully starts to fall apart. Bruised ribs…what will they think of next? And by “they”, I mean shut the hell up.
So hi everyone!
My birthday and the 4th have come and gone much like they do every year. While my birthday was fairly low key this time around, I did have a pretty great time. My friends took great care of me and gave me some wicked cool presents, like a new bag, a kelly green shirt (from Kelly), more shirts and candy and toys and yeah! I love presents.
We went out to eat at this airplane themed restaurant that was pretty hilarious, only because in the bathroom as you were dropping a deuce (sick…like I ever say “dropping a deuce”) the flight attendant would come on and say “In the case of an emergency, put your head between your legs and kiss your ass goodbye”. Not the most original of jokes, but it made me laugh while I was taking a piss.
Then we went to XL Lounge and stayed for a couple of drinks. Then we went home and played pin the tail on the donkey and sat on Kelly’s fire escape watching some black woman walk around her apartment in only her underwear. No seriously, she brushed her teeth in her underwear and then did the unthinkable! She ATE after brushing her teeth. I couldn’t get over that one. Who cares about her naked, black nipples…I can’t stand it when people brush their teeth and then eat something. BRUSHING means no more eating! If you disagree then you have lots of cavities. The end.
Unfortunately, bringing Paul along for the ride turned out to be a hassle at the end of the night as he didn’t “feel welcome” among my friends and ended up becoming best friends with alcohol instead. No big surprise there. I took him home, threw him in bed and watched some gay shit on TV. No really, I watched a gay movie called Same Sex America and it was pretty good, but not the way I wanted to end my birthday evening. I’m sure you can understand why.
The 4th of July was pretty great. We drank beers and Paul and I made appetizers. We watched the fireworks from South Street seaport which gave the most unbelievable fireworks show I’ve seen in all my life. They were so close you could touch them. And having people around us screaming and cheering brought tears to both my friend Meggles and my eyes. Then we laughed at each other for crying and moved on with our bad ass selves.
All in all it was a good week. Coming back to work yesterday proved to me that not only do I need to get a new job, I need to kill everyone I work with first. I can’t even get into why I hate work so much now, but trust me, the hatred goes deep. Right down to the base of my cock and balls.
For some reason I’m listening to techno at work this morning. I feel like I should pull out some glowstix, jump up on my desk and start dry humping the first person that walks into my office. THUD THUD THUD THUD THUD THUD and my head bobs right along. AWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW
YEAH!
Now…in other news…I was “tagged” this morning by my friend Ari. I assume this means that I am supposed to fill out the questionnaire that she posted in her journal. Secretly I love questionnaires and also Velveeta macaroni and cheese.
So here it is!
10 Years Ago Today I Had just graduated from high school and was enjoying my last summer of nothing before going off to college. Since I wasn’t a drinker or a smoker at that point, I spent my summer in love with a straight guy (who I got into bed thank you very much) and hanging out with my girlfriend (thank you very much?). I went out to dinner a lot and went to see movies and plays. Wow, the things I used to do before I discovered drugs and alcohol.
Five Years Ago Today I had just graduated from college and moved to Boston to be with my new boyfriend, Paul. My birthday had just ended and Paul celebrated with me by taking me to see The Blue Man Group and out to dinner at the Hard Rock Café (thank God my taste in restaurants has changed). Paul was so sweet to me on my birthday and I loved being with him then. This year for my birthday Paul didn’t even get me a card. But as he says “He takes me out to dinner all the time”. So what the fuck does that mean anyway? That it’s my birthday every day of the year? Cuz I surely don’t feel like it is. It’s a poor excuse and it’s one of the reasons why I spend so much of my time hating him.
1 Year Ago Today I was on my way to Utica, NY to be in one of my best friend’s wedding. At the wedding I met a guy from one of the Real Worlds and hung out with my girl Rita. It was an amazing couple of days and other than the fact that I can’t believe a year has gone by so fast, I would do just about anything to relive that wonderful weekend.
Yesterday I woke up to the news of the terrorist bombings in London, found my dead hamster, and still managed to get my ass to work. Once here, everything went down hill, including me having to cancel hanging out with Rita this weekend due to a work commitment. I had a nervous breakdown half way through the day and ended up unloading a ton of shit on my therapist before heading out to dinner with my friend Mahd. My day ended much better than the way in which it began. Yet I have a bruised rib now. Twat?
Today I will have the weekend that I need to have since I will be working tomorrow. MOTHER FUCKER. Working on weekends is so super lame. And luckily I get to do it for the entire month of July! I’m heading out to happy hour with my friend Angie after work and I will most likely be home and in bed by 10pm. Paul will get home around 1am and probably stumble in drunk, tell me I’m an asshole for one reason or another and then we’ll both sleep through the night. Yeah. YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAH.
Tomorrow I have to work. Suck my fucking dick I hate the real world and having to make money in order to survive. I said “DICK! SUCK IT!”
I’m not really sure how the following list of “5 Things” works with the whole “What have I been doing for the last 10 years of my life motif”, but I’ll rock it nonetheless.
5 Snacks I enjoy: Smartfood popcorn, Chewy Sprees, a throbbing cock, Swedish Fish, Breyer’s Mint Chocolate Chip Ice Cream – laden with Jizz of course.
5 Bands That I Know the Lyrics to Most of Their Songs: Nsync (fuck you they’re awesome), Nelly Furtado, Evanescence, Rent the Musical (fuck you it counts), and Debbie Gibson (cut me a break on that one…I was mucho gay when I was little).
5 Things I Would Do with a $100,000,000: Pay off all of my debt, pay off all of my parents and friends debt, buy a phatty house, buy a phatty car, and smoke the biggest phatty of my life.
5 Locations I Would Like to Run Away to: My friend Rita’s house, San Francisco, Hawaii, Provincetown, Maine – cuz I’ve never been. Yeah, I’m even boring MYSELF with that answer.
5 Bad Habits I Have: Smoking, biting my fingernails, eating in bed late at night, watching too much TV, masturbating everywhere I can.
5 Things I Like Doing: Smoking, biting my fingernails, eating in bed late at night, watching too much TV, masturbating everywhere I can.
5 Things I would Never Wear: A rain coat, cowboy boots, make-up, a vagina, and Z Cavaricci’s.
5 TV Shows I Like: Lost, Desperate Housewives, Survivor, ER, anything on MTV and the list goes on and on and on and on and zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.
5 Movies I Like: Requiem for a Dream, Memento, What Dreams May Come, Boogie Nights, Rules of Attraction and the list goes on and on and on and zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.
5 Famous People I would Like to Meet: Leonardo DiCaprio, Justin Timberlake, Meryl Streep, Julia Roberts, Parker Posey, Scarlett Johansson, Tony Blair, Annabella Sciorra, Joan Allen, Ben Stiller, Nelly Furtado, and so many more.
5 Biggest Joys at the Moment: My brother moving home from Germany next weekend, my best friend Rita having a baby, how well therapy is going, sleeping in late, almost finishing this post.
5 favorite toys: My two dildos, my computer, the dead body of my hamster, my PS2, and my new Spinpro toothbrush.
5 People to Tag: (Links make me tired so click on them at the left if you wish) MuscleBeast, ChwJohns, The Virginity Monologues, Diary of a Lethargic Madman, NYC.Twentysomething.
Ok…enough is enough with this post. Sheesh!
Have great weekends everyone and thanks again for all of your support yesterday. Jim is smiling down on you from hamster heaven.
Hugs!
